he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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