Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
