about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's the barista slut.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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