So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
