the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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