She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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