Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
