he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
