Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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