you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
