my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
