Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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