Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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