I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
