He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
