Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So many bounce houses so little time
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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