she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
