Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
