sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
