i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
