Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
