Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
