in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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