I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
