I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
