ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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