I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
