My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
