where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
