Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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