Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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