I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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