dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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