We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
