The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
