I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
