I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
