I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
