I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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