we're blogging at a bar
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
