Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
