Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can text with my tongue
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
