OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
