Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
