Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
