Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
