You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's great music for shaving your balls
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
