And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
