It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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