First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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