Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
