Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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