Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
