I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
