So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
