I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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