remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
