I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
