cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
