porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
