you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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