does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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