What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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