no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
