Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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