What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
