how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
as a side note pls kill me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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