Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
