i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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