I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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