11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
