i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize