drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
