do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
