i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
