Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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