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I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
